Group workshops
View allWhy We Get Defensive
The Psychology of Taking Things Personally
Why does a simple comment sometimes feel like an attack?
Drawing on stress physiology and attachment research, explore why we get defensive, learn to recognize your reactions, and practice responding with curiosity instead of protection.
Next session
Thursday, December 17 at 10:00 AM PST
60 minutes · $79
- Format
- Live online session
- Duration
- 60 minutes
- Facilitator
- Sabrina Briceño, LPCC
- Price
- $79
Does this sound familiar?
Feedback at work stays with you all evening.
You explain yourself before the other person has finished talking.
A neutral question somehow feels like criticism.
What we'll explore
- Why our brains interpret feedback as a threat.
- How to recognize when you're becoming defensive.
- How to pause before reacting.
- Practical techniques for having more constructive conversations.
The research behind it
This curriculum draws on established relationship research, not generic advice. A few of the findings we build on:
Under perceived threat, heart rate and stress hormones rise and our capacity to listen narrows. Gottman called this "flooding"; past roughly 100 beats per minute, productive conversation gets much harder.
John Gottman, physiological studies of conflict
Affirming a core value before hearing criticism makes people measurably more open to it.
Claude Steele, self-affirmation theory; Cohen & Sherman (2014)
Naming an emotion in words ("affect labeling") calms activity in the brain's threat centers.
Matthew Lieberman et al., UCLA (2007)
Our attachment history shapes how quickly a neutral comment registers as rejection.
Attachment theory: John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth; Mikulincer & Shaver
What you'll leave with
- The early body signals that tell you defensiveness is starting.
- A short pause practice you can use mid-conversation.
- A few curious questions to reach for instead of a defense.
Plus a reflection workbook, one concrete action to practice, and a seven-day follow-up exercise by email.
Meet your facilitator
Sabrina Briceño, LPCC
Licensed professional clinical counselor · Founder of Chapter
Sabrina turns current relationship research into plain words and practical skills, with warmth and without jargon.
She holds a Master's in Professional Clinical Counseling with a focus in social justice from the University of San Francisco, and has practiced in public and private settings in San Francisco and Denver.
Her work draws on the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy and attachment research, and builds goal-setting and accountability into the work. She is licensed in California and Colorado, and holds space for clients of every identity.
Practical details
Each workshop is capped at 10 people max, so there is room for real conversation.
On your own or with someone
Come by yourself, or bring your partner, a friend or a family member. Nothing in the session assumes you're a couple.
Camera on or camera off
Keep your camera off if you'd rather listen than be seen. You can still type, and no one will single you out.
Participation is optional
Speak when you want to and pass when you don't. You're never called on.
No judgment
This is a room for learning, not performing. Share as little or as much as you like.
Reserve your spot
Payments in the preview are in test mode.